View Full Version : Have a laugh!
Muddied Fox
09-11-2005, 12:56 PM
:D MEN STRIKE BACK
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None - It should be opened by the time she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
stand
closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course - He'll shut up once you let him in
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was' Always'
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
jmctiernan
09-13-2005, 01:38 PM
God: “ So Adam, are you enjoying paradise.”
Adam: “ Oh yes I am, very much. However, I am a bit lonely.”
God: “Well I can fix that. I will make for you the perfect mate. A woman that would complete him in ways he could not imagine. Your Alpha and your Omega. She would clean up after you, cook for you, and care for you in all ways. She will be all that you can imagine and more.
Adam: “Wow, that sounds great. ”
God: “Adam, I can do this for you, but it will cost you your right arm, you left leg below the knee, both eyes and an ear.”
Adam: “What can I get for a rib”
dejavu
09-13-2005, 05:02 PM
Women Strike Back...
Q.) What do you call a man with half a brain?
A.) Gifted.
Q.) What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A.) Castrated.
Q.) What do you call a handcuffed man?
A.) Trustworthy.
Q.) What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A.) Slow.
Q.) What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A.) A man's undivided attention.
Q.) What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
A.) E.T. phoned home.
Q.) What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A.) Bonds Mature.
Q.) What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
A.) The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Q.) What do all the men at singles bars have in common?
A.) They are all married.
Q.) What do men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A.) An insurance company.
Q.) What is gross stupidity?
A.) 144 men in one room.
Q.) What is a man's view of safe sex?
A.) A padded headboard.
Q.) Husband: Want a quickie?
A.) Wife: As opposed to what?
Q.) Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
A.) Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Q.) Why do men want to marry virgins?
A.) They can't stand criticism.
Q.) Why do men play football on artificial turf?
A.) To keep them from grazing.
Q.) Why do men name their penises?
A.) Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.
Q.) Why are dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
A.) So men can remember them.
Q.) Why are women so bad at mathematics?
A.) Because men keep telling them that this: || is 6 inches.
:D
dejavu
09-13-2005, 05:04 PM
Women Strike Back...
Q.) What do you call a man with half a brain?
A.) Gifted.
Q.) What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A.) Castrated.
Q.) What do you call a handcuffed man?
A.) Trustworthy.
Q.) What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A.) Slow.
Q.) What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A.) A man's undivided attention.
Q.) What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
A.) E.T. phoned home.
Q.) What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A.) Bonds Mature.
Q.) What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
A.) The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Q.) What do all the men at singles bars have in common?
A.) They are all married.
Q.) What do men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A.) An insurance company.
Q.) What is gross stupidity?
A.) 144 men in one room.
Q.) What is a man's view of safe sex?
A.) A padded headboard.
Q.) Husband: Want a quickie?
A.) Wife: As opposed to what?
Q.) Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
A.) Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Q.) Why do men want to marry virgins?
A.) They can't stand criticism.
Q.) Why do men play football on artificial turf?
A.) To keep them from grazing.
Q.) Why do men name their penises?
A.) Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.
Q.) Why are dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
A.) So men can remember them.
Q.) Why are women so bad at mathematics?
A.) Because men keep telling them that this: || is 6 inches.
dejavu
09-13-2005, 05:20 PM
Women Strike Back...
Q.) What do you call a man with half a brain?
A.) Gifted.
Q.) What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A.) Castrated.
Q.) What do you call a handcuffed man?
A.) Trustworthy.
Q.) What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A.) Slow.
Q.) What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A.) A man's undivided attention.
Q.) What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
A.) E.T. phoned home.
Q.) What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A.) Bonds Mature.
Q.) What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
A.) The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Q.) What do all the men at singles bars have in common?
A.) They are all married.
Q.) What do men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A.) An insurance company.
Q.) What is gross stupidity?
A.) 144 men in one room.
Q.) What is a man's view of safe sex?
A.) A padded headboard.
Q.) Husband: Want a quickie?
A.) Wife: As opposed to what?
Q.) Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
A.) Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Q.) Why do men want to marry virgins?
A.) They can't stand criticism.
Q.) Why do men play football on artificial turf?
A.) To keep them from grazing.
Q.) Why do men name their penises?
A.) Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.
Q.) Why do men like masturbation?
A.) It's sex with someone they really love.
Q.) Why are dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
A.) So men can remember them.
Q.) Why are women so bad at mathematics?
A.) Because men keep telling them that this: || is 6 inches.
:D
dejavu
09-13-2005, 07:48 PM
Women Strike Back...
Q.) What do you call a man with half a brain?
A.) Gifted.
Q.) What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
A.) Castrated.
Q.) What do you call a handcuffed man?
A.) Trustworthy.
Q.) What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A.) Slow.
Q.) What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A.) A man's undivided attention.
Q.) What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
A.) E.T. phoned home.
Q.) What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A.) Bonds Mature.
Q.) What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
A.) The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Q.) What do all the men at singles bars have in common?
A.) They are all married.
Q.) What do men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A.) An insurance company.
Q.) What is gross stupidity?
A.) 144 men in one room.
Q.) What is a man's view of safe sex?
A.) A padded headboard.
Q.) Husband: Want a quickie?
A.) Wife: As opposed to what?
Q.) Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
A.) Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Q.) Why do men want to marry virgins?
A.) They can't stand criticism.
Q.) Why do men play football on artificial turf?
A.) To keep them from grazing.
Q.) Why do men name their penises?
A.) Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.
Q.) Why are dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
A.) So men can remember them.
Q.) Why are women so bad at mathematics?
A.) Because men keep telling them that this: || is 6 inches.
:D
Muddied Fox
09-14-2005, 04:24 AM
:huge: I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?
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